I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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