at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
