its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
