if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
