Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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