Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
