I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
