don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
