ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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