he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
