I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
