I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
