Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
