you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
