Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
