Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
