one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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