(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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