Will you blow on my dice?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
