I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
