but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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