you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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