it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
