he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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