I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
