I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
