I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
