then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
