Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
