God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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