Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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