I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
