we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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