The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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