You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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