so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
