Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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