last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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