OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
