you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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