ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fuck appropriateness.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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