How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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