your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
