I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
