i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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