Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
