I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
