Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh god it's open bar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
