when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
