LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
