..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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