i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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