No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
