clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
