Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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