An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
