remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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