What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
