He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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