Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
