My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
