He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
