I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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