I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
