i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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