Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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