I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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