I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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