am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
