he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
