wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
