hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Im part way to drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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