My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
