He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
