since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
